What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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