Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Randomize
