I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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