The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
