I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
