don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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