After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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