You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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