i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
