I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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