I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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