i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
