Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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Do I have a choice?
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Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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