she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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