Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
