1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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