ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
