You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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