Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found puke in my bra..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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