Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
