Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
