it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
