im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
