im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
