i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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