You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
