Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
