I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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