Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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