There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
