you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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