she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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