just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
