I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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