You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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