I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
