Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
