just tell him i said nine months
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
