I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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