are you still at the devil's house?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
