Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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