Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
