I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
