I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
