dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
