I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
