im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
