pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
