he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
