If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
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Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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