My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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