Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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