My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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