i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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