Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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