he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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