1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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