are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
