2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
