Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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