Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
