I skipped work to stalk him.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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