It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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