I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
