Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
