ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
