It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Barsexuality is the new black.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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