so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
