butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize