I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
