Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
