im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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