Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
